Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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