Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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