just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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