i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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