i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
