I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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