and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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