I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
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