so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
