I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
