haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
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