just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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