Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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