I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
