I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
