i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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