She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
