i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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