her vagine was all disorganized.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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