you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
