Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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