I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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