Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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