from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
