Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
