my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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