I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
