if i can run in heels then i can drive
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
