I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
she peed on how many people?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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