happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
