I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
