so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
