I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Im part way to drunk.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
