i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
