Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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