The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
