They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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