just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
