We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
