dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
My liver is preforming stress tests.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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