Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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