Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
