i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
