we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
