I look better un-naked...
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
