i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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