do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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