You made me cry and you don't even care
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
