So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
