My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
