Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
