Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
